Hello all. Its been a lazy Sunday with my boys, we have had a day full of watching youtube videos, playing with the hose outside and excavating dinosaurs :) I love days like this when it is just me and my littles using our imagination and laughing, frequent hugs and lots of "I love you's". These are the days that make life wonderful and allow me to truly recognize my purpose and to enjoy them while they are small.... they won't be small forever.
I have had a lot of emotions this weekend. I find I have to keep busy in order to keep sane some days. Too much time sitting still tends to get me to think to much and begin to stress. Not even about anything in particular really, just life.
Saturday was especially tough. My spouse and I fought most of the day... it wasn't even about anything important, seems so silly. So he spent the day cleaning bedrooms and I spent the day playing with the kids and cleaning the living areas. I wanted badly to turn to food to deal with the stress of the situation and in a way, I guess I did. I cooked. I cooked a lot. BUT I didn't eat. I didn't stray from my diet...yet. Then my day got worse. I had a date with my best friends for a girls night. We have been planning a paint therapy session for nearly a month and I have been talking about it to my man, he knew how excited I was. The session started at 6:30 and at 6:35 he still wasn't home ... he had left an hour and a half prior to buy fireworks with my son. I was crushed. So let down and disappointed. I even cried a little. Inside I was so very angry. He finally got home around 7, immediately apologizing and realizing what he had done. He had completely forgotten. I did make it to the session, 45 minutes late, but I made it and boy did I need that girls night more than ever now. I had told myself I would limit myself to one drink (crystal light lemonade and vodka). Well, I had two. Then I went to my co-workers graduation party, she recently graduated from a Respiratory Therapy School. I brought a friend along because I knew I wouldn't know very many people AND it was at a bar, which is an environment I am very uncomfortable in. I have only been to a bar maybe 3 times in 5 years. I hate them. I am so self conscious about myself, I truly hate going to any public environment where I have to be around many people. I am truly socially awkward sometimes.... and was feeling this way this night and so... a few more drinks (diet coke and rum) were consumed.... This was probably a terrible decision because 1, I was breaking my own commitment through calories in my alcohol consumption and 2, I haven't been eating as much and I don't usually drink liquor. I don't usually drink much at all. So now I start talking too much and well, lets just say I am glad its over. I really need to learn to love myself. I hate feeling so out of place, so uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like people are always staring and judging, even though the rational part of me knows this is not the case. I wonder if this will ever get better. So yep, Day 3 and I failed myself, I did not turn to food to deal with my stress and anxiety, I did however turn to alcohol which I am ashamed of.
Today was a new day and I stayed on track. I had a perfect day with the perfect people, my man and I are getting along great and I made a perfect dinner~ (Cajun Seasoned Tilapia & Eggplant stuffed with warm quinoa salad w/broccoli & carrot slaw, onions, eggplant, garlic, tomatoes and sweet peppers). I can say these three days, the only time I have been hungry was the first night. This has been helpful with controlling the urge to graze. I am loving the Herbalife Tea and the energy that I have. I will view yesterday as simply a bump in the road and keep moving forward. I am human, I am a real person, I will make mistakes from time to time. I can't let them destroy my motivation or progress. The positive from last night was while I was at this party I met several others who were Herbalife members and they have invited me to do their fit club workouts with them, so in all of it, there was some good. I am going to choose to not be too terribly hard on myself.
I thought about leaving this experience out of my blog but then I feel like I would be lying to myself and to you. And that is not helpful to any of us. Happy Sunday all! I hope yours is as wonderful as mine.
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